It's been a while since I've posted something...but that doesn't mean I haven't had anything to talk about (lol!) Tonight, however, I felt the need to share something that was much needed for me.
I went to dinner with one of my business partners, who is almost twice my age, and our conversation was heaven sent. As with all things that are divinely ordered, I have no idea how we got on the subject of relationships and marital statuses- but we did. I was talking about how I'm single, and how I'm comfortable being where I am rather than being uncomfortable and rushing into something that's not going to last. As he complimented my personality and my comfort of being in my own skin, he told me...don't rush. Yeah, we hear this all the time from people who are close to us, but for someone I have never had a non-business conversation with I opened my ears a little differently. He proceeded to tell me how he's experienced both a bad marriage and a great marriage (to his wife now), and then started to go into a little more detail about his previous marriage to a woman he thought he loved....and it went a little something like this:
"Lydia, she was one of the most beautiful girls in town and everybody liked her. I felt lucky to have her. As soon as we started dating, it was almost as if everyone close to us started dating, and we all just got close and used to being around one another. As time passed, I asked her to marry me...and then I called off the wedding the first time. I knew I didn't love her, but I didn't want to hurt her...and I didn't want to go against what seemed and looked right- after all I was with her for a long time. Anyway, we ended up getting married and on that day I remember feeling so bad because my mom and dad were in the back of the church crying...my mom knew I was making a big mistake. I just didn't have the balls as a young man to stand up for myself and follow the matters of my heart. After we got married, things didn't get better of course...it was like, if we weren't married we wouldn't have even been hanging out because we didn't share any of the same interests. If there's anything I would have done differently back then, it would have been to do things the right way...and not the way that looked good, or a way that would simply not hurt someone else's feelings whether or not it meant to sacrifice my own. I look back and hate that I truly wasted 9.5 years of my life....."
Being in my late 20's on the brink of 30...and being single...this further reminded me why I'm so patient and not eager to be in a relationship or to be married. Don't get me wrong, these are things that I would love to have...but, all too often I personally witness people in relationships that are not fulfilling and that they are not 100% happy in. As my business partner was telling me his story tonight I envisioned so many other faces on his, telling me the same story 10 years from now. Why be in a relationship if it's not fulfilling? That doesn't even make sense.....but what does make sense is that a relationship is held onto for sake of upsetting the other person, or maybe the children that are involved, or maybe because of the fear of releasing something that's become comfortable. When my business partner was finally able to let go of what he knew wasn't right for him, he was then truly blessed with a woman that he said he cannot see him living his life without.
A little while back, another guy I know told me "I mean, the goal is to be happy forever right?......maybe I'm too good hearted of a person to [leave]."
While I wanted to call bullshit, I didn't. This is the problem though...everyone is chasing the dream of "being happy forever", but what they fail to realize is that happiness is a temporary emotion- one that can easily be taken away and given back. Also, too good hearted? No my friend, if you're good hearted you would do yourself and the other person "good" (no pun intended!) by leaving the situation and moving on in life and in love before you end up so unhappy to the point where you're cheating, and/or they're cheating...unless that's already happening which in any case, you really shouldn't be in a relationship anyway. That's a story for a whole different post though...*sips tea*
Joy....that's what we need to be after. Unlike happiness, joy is everlasting...it's not easily taken away, and it's not easily replaced. That's what my business partner has achieved...and it's such an awesome thing! We need to stop sacrificing what it is we want and know we deserve, and settling for mediocrity. Once you settle for something less than what you deserve, you end up getting much less than what it is you actually settled for. If there's any lesson we learn from our elders let this be it...do things the right way from the beginning. Love for the right reasons, and give yourself to the right person.
Yeah yeah yeah, this is coming from a single girl and you're probably like "Bye Felicia"! In my defense, I would rather be the joyous single girl awaiting her king, than be the taken person who is in the wrong relationship with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
